Close encounter to Jury duty

This year has already got the best of me, and we’re still in January. 

Two weeks ago I received a letter saying that I need to show up for jury duty. Among all the legal jargon, I read that I needed to show up in court with the chance of my name being randomly selected again and make part of the jury for a trial of an unknown nature. And that sent me into a spiral of thoughts, emotions, worries and basically, panic.

Before I share my experience, I want to say that these are merely my thoughts about the whole thing. I’m sure that everyone would have a different reaction to receiving such news. However, from what I read and heard, a lot of people go through what I went through these past two weeks. Here I’m sharing my raw, inner feelings, hoping that something someday will change.

Also, I ended up actually not doing it, because when I got to the courthouse I was informed that the case was dropped and could go back home. So stepping out of court was a jumble of mixed emotions. I was crying and smiling at the same time, walking in the streets of the city, not even knowing where I’m going.

Here are my thoughts and feelings that I went through in these past two weeks, in no particular order, because what is order when the plan you had for the rest of the month has just been placed on hold until further notice?

  • I could not plan for anything. I had no idea if I was going to be selected, what the trial was going to be about, if I would be able to go home for the evening, how long was this going to take… As an anxious person, I need a plan for everything because it makes me feel safe and that everything is under control. But this just turned everything upside down and I felt super lost not knowing what was going to happen.
  • The trial itself. Would it be murder or rape? I’m an HSP (highly sensitive person), and everytime we’re watching a movie and there’s a violent scene, I have to look away because I’m deeply affected. I stress myself out a lot during intense movies. Just imagine, while watching Breaking Bad and there’s an intense scene, I would have to stop, make some tea, have a breather and then continue. So now imagine, placing me, that same person, in a murder trial, having me sit down listening to all the witnesses and occurrences of the incident for days on end, and asking me to discuss and take decisions about the whole matter. I know that something like that would definitely break me, both mentally and emotionally. And that is why I believe that not everyone is meant to be a part of this system. I mean there’s a reason why I didn’t choose this career path, no?
  • Being taken away and shut off from the rest of society for the duration of the trial. So basically, that is taking away my whole support system. The reason I’m still sane today, is because I have a whole network of people that I can confide in and share my inner thoughts and feelings with, which makes me feel stronger and able to make decisions and move on with life. Now if I’m a jury and undergoing that much stress, I’m pretty sure I’m going to need that support system to keep myself sane, no? But the whole jury system prevents that, and honestly that was one of the scariest thoughts about this whole process. Breaking down mentally and not having anyone that I feel comfortable to reach out to. I mean in this day and age, with all the awareness about mental health and what someone can go through if they don’t have the right support system, I would expect the state to act better in this regard. 
  • Not being able to opt out. Last year was pretty hectic for me, and as this new year started, I promised myself to take it a bit easier, try not to stress myself too much and basically take back control over my life. And then bam, on the 8th of January, I received the dreaded letter and I went back to feeling miserable and stressed out, forgetting about the whole taking-it easy motto of the new year. Honestly if I could have said no to this ‘offer’, I would have. But I couldn’t and that’s something that is utterly ridiculous. I’m pretty sure that there are people who are going through very rough times, but not rough enough for the judicial system apparently. I mean, imagine putting someone in the jury for a rape trial, and they just had someone from their family go through the same thing. Or even just having a tough time at work, which can be mentally draining. I’m pretty sure that something like this would send that person’s sanity down the drain. 

I feel that it’s time for a change in this old system. There are countries who don’t even use a jury system. So maybe it’s time to look into that and improve our court system both for the sake of the accused/victim as well as the people who are dragged into it. I mean, if I were the accused, I would rather have experienced people take a decision about my sentence, rather than a few ordinary people who are present in a trial for their first time and have no idea what’s what.

But, if a jury is really what we need, then there needs to be the option to opt out of it. I’m pretty sure that there are people out there who find it interesting to be part of the jury and would love to do it. Well, they can have my place anytime they want. And also, why not give a small financial compensation to those who are doing this civic duty? Everyone else is being paid high money in the courtroom, why should we do it on a voluntary basis? 

Having said all this, there is something positive that I can take away from it. In the past two weeks, I have grown stronger, because I had no other choice. As I entered the courthouse, not knowing what was going to happen in the next few hours and even days, I knew that I got my own back. Usually I lean on others to support me, but now I had to do it all on my own. And I believed that I could, so I walked in.

2 thoughts on “Close encounter to Jury duty

  1. Strongly said, Maria. Yes, I’ve been through this several times. And can confirm it’s really traumatic. The last time I was called to serve for jury, but was eventually not selected, I was so tensed up that I walked myself home, a 90 minutes walk, to relieve my tension!

  2. Hi Mar I know exactly how you feel! I’ve been called yearly for the past 8 years i think. I went through a trial once, it is fascinating, and yes you are locked away.from.the world for a bit(mine dragged for 10days) but it is not all bad. It’s a civil duty, think of it that way ), the.little we can give back to society and it will be over in no time. It leaves you rattled a bit yes, I had never been inside of a courthouse, even though I had worked in prison for a number of years. Seeing things from the judicial.side is totally different. Hope you’re feeling better now, and the year will be brighter along the way x

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